Just a thought on Demanding Love

What exactly is love? Some say, love is beautiful, while others may say love hurts. The late John Lennon once quoted the meaning of love - We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it -

The truth is we all have experienced love, be it a beautiful one or a hurtful one. As for me, I am considered one of the lucky ones as I have a wonderful husband who loves me and cares for me very much. I thank God for this wonderful man in my life. As I am saying this, some of you may react, “ lucky you, how I wish I have someone like that too”. I would like to also believe that many of you now are thanking God silently in your heart, for the wonderful and caring boyfriend/husband you have. My wish for you is to keep up with this lovely relationship and may you find everlasting love in your relationship.

My topic today is about demanding love. What is your idea of a demanding love? My idea of a demanding love is people who are persistent in getting things their way and normally, these people are intelligent enough to manipulate your mind to get what they want. They do not take NO for an answer because of their demanding behavior, in short they must get what they want. Perhaps, they believe that this is their rights. Sometimes, it is even to the extent of blaming you as the cause of the entire situation, for not giving in to what they want.

A friend of mine once confided in me about her relationship. I am beginning to believe that her boyfriend falls under this category - a person who demands love unreasonably. Notice that I add on a word – unreasonably? You see, to me, I think it’s okay to be demanding in love as long as it is not overly demanded & does not cause hurt and a sense of unworthiness to the other party. For instance, I think it is your right to demand from your partner to be faithful to you. Surely, that's a reasonable demand, right? But in her case, it seems like her partner demands everything and anything of her to be perfect. Like a checklist, he expects her to be: -

No 1) Intelligent
No 2) To have a great body
No 3) To have a great personality
No 4) Smart in managing finances
No 5) Speak softly and gently like a siu-jie (in Cantonese, it means lady-like) - What happens to the phrase of "accepting the person for who they are"
No 6) Have good looking toes and many more…

There is an old saying, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” Don’t get me wrong. I am not advising my friend to break off and to set him free. My point is; if her boyfriend feels that she’s not good enough for him, then why not set her free. Go and find someone else that you think fits into your criteria check list. If you found one, good for you. But the truth is, most of us can never get enough. One thing leads to another, one demand leads to another demand and the demand list goes on. So, why not stop and think for a minute. Instead of pressuring that person to change to suit your demands, how about you making the first change first? How about stop demanding so much? People say when you don’t impose expectations, you won’t get disappointment. To me, love is about giving people freedom to be themselves, without any restrictions imposed upon them to meet our demands in our way.

So in this scenario, if you feel that she does not match your criteria list but you love her enough to demand these things from her, why not work with her then to accomplish your criteria? If you think she’s not intelligent enough to suit your highly intelligence qualities, why don’t you start encouraging her to read the intelligent stuffs that you read so that you can start conversing with her on topics like that. Hopefully in the future, she will stop conversing her intelligence stuffs with you. Will that make you happy? If you feel that she does not have a great body.. how about looking at yourself in the mirror first? So you think you have a good body, good for you. Why not then encourage her to work out with you or….are you to contented with yourself that you expect her to find her own ways to improve her body line ? Now…if I were to go on giving you suggestions, my oh my, it will take too much of my time!

The bottom line is, being demanding unreasonably like that, which I would like to emphasize on this: it brings out nothing but sorrow and a sense of unworthiness to your partner. If you love her truly, then please try to look at yourself first. Would you like her to do the same to you? To demand unreasonable things from you and make you feel like you are in a “walking on eggshells” relationship? Think about it and ask yourself. And to my friend, you know who you are. Remember this, you are beautiful and worth it. Stay true to yourself because you must be loved for who you are and do not change to unreasonable demands. Cheers.