All I Want for Christmas is my.........

It's Christmas Eve today!! I am so excited as this is my 2nd year celebrating Christmas with my daughter. Awesome feeling!   I am hoping to attend midnight mass today as it marks the beginning of Christmas Day. But if Rosemary is tired by the time comes, then I will only attend mass tomorrow morning. While writing this, I am thinking of something.

Hey, have you guys ever wondered what Christmas is all about besides all those nice things we do like exchanging gifts lah, sending wishes through text messages, e-cards lah and so on. I was just thinking, surely Christmas means more than that. I mean, it's nice to go visiting, exchange gifts, have some makan-makan session, but is that all? What happen next after Christmas?

I am starting to think about what I did this entire year and what I have achieved and not. I had my ups and down just like any other human. I've had hurts and I've had good laughs as well. I've admired some great people along the way and I've been in situations that I shouldn't have to, perhaps I may, would have hurt other people, for I am not a perfect person. I am learning everyday to be a better person, a better mom and a better wife. And so, I am summing all this up to one greatest gift that Christmas has to offer. And that gift is forgiveness.

Dr Peter Strelan from the University of Adelaide's School of Psychology has this to say about forgiveness:


He says forgiveness is acknowledging that you're human and have the same ability to hurt others.


"Getting people to recognise that they're also capable of hurting others, probably have and probably will again unintentionally, is an important step," he says.


"We're humans, we do make mistake and hurt other people, so being able to see things from different perspectives is really important."


Dr Peter Strelan says there's some simple ways to help you move along the process of forgiveness.


1. Think about whether the person who has hurt you has tried to make amends or apologise.


"If the perpetrator is trying to make amends, we get the message from them that they're taking responsibility for what they've done and they actually care about me, for having hurt me," Dr Strelan says.


2. Reframe the scenario of how you've been hurt


"If the person who has hurt you isn't trying to make amends, you can try and re-interpret what has happened and try to understand why it has happened and maybe there was a situation or something else going on in the other person's head that you weren't aware of," he says.


3. Remember that just as you've been hurt, you can also hurt.


"Just think about the fact that it's possible for you to hurt someone else as well and one day you'll probably need forgiveness," Dr Strelan advises.


Having read all that, it just strike me that although forgiveness seems such a simple word, yet, it is such a difficult thing to do, kan? Can we really forgive ourselves and others?

I think we can. I know it because I will learn to accomplish it. Further more, life is so unpredictable and is too short for us to keep pondering over any hurtful events.  So, I'm thinking we should at least begin this by trying.

So my dear friends, besides exchanging wonderful gifts and sending out all the pleasant wishes through text messages and e-cards, let us also make the meaning of Christmas more significantly by forgiving ourselves first.

We should move forward and make a positive difference in the future.   Alamak, I feel so like a preacher all of a sudden.

Positive Thinking

I have learned a very valuable lesson recently and you know the saying that goes when you close one door, another opens ? Let me tell you this. It’s so true. Truly, this is about my feelings. I have learned that as humans, we are very likely to make mistakes, be it at work, or at home. But mistakes makes us wiser, that is; if we are acceptive towards the criticism that comes along our way. More significantly if we tell ourselves, we want to change. And so to me, the saying reflects here. Because I want to change my ways and I am allowing transformation to take place. Hence, when you close one door, another opens. When I am allowing myself to amend my ways of thinking over a failure or a disappointment that took place, I am allowing an opportunity to present itself at my door. And that opportunity is freedom and peace. Freedom because I am liberated from my negative thinking over any disappointments because at the end of day, my thoughts creates my reality and so I want to be in control of my reality. And peace, because I have found it within myself now and I have made this peace within me by accepting things the way they are. Whether or not it favors me or not, it does not matter anymore because I have learned that by acceptance, it removes my subconscious resistance and hence, making way for me to change first, to be selfless.

I have learned that our workplace is like our 2nd home, where we spend most of our valuable times working to achieve both the company and our objectives, from targets to the least demands which includes handling colleagues of different characteristics, of course with each individual bearing his/her own uniqueness. I have also learned that as much as we want our work place to be as harmonious as possible, sometimes situations happens and when that happens, you have no choice but to live with it and pray that one day things will change to be a better place. In short, it’s all about acceptance. Accepting the way it is and replacing negative thoughts with positive feelings and constantly pray for healing to take place and blessings to come.

I have learned also not to stay in the presence of people and situations that are emotionally and psychologically toxic. After all, toxic is harmful and so is negativity. If my surroundings are filled with negative energy, just like a consistent "black cloud", it is only fair for me to detach myself from this sort of energy and create some distance where I can reclaim my personal space, because sadly, negative people have no boundaries and have no respect for other people’s boundaries. In fact, it drains me PEMS - physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. But I hold no grudge, because I am accepting them just the way they are but with certain boundaries.

I have learned to laugh more and much more laughters to come into my life because it is worth it. Any and every situation can have its humorous side, provided we make way for laughters to fill in and only we, ourselves can make this change - even in the presence of negative people. Just a thought for the day.

Pat on the Back!

I have been away from blogging for quite some time now. What to do, sigh.. it’s either I’m pretty poor in time management or I am just really, am very busy. Not complaining here, just a thought - in fact a thought that comes with a certain level of contentment to which I feel I deserve a pat on my back now. Hey, it’s okay to praise yourself once in a while although there’s a saying that goes: Self praise is no praise at all.

In my case, I think it’s excusable. You see, being an employee during the day ( that comes with many responsibilities, commitments) and then a mother after working hours with a lot of house chores to accomplish, the weekly 2 hours Saturdays commitment to teach basic computer lessons to the less-fortunate students, and then on and off popping in my husband’s shop and then back to picking up little Rosemary and taking care of her… can be pretty challenging. But thanks to my in laws who’s always been there whenever the SOS calls comes to take care of Rosemary, so a pat on the back also goes to them for indirectly making these challenging tasks accomplished for both my husband and me! (Okay, another pat on the back for my husband who works very, very hard as well to fulfill his fatherly responsibilities)

So at this point, I am also thinking about all the single mothers/fathers out there. I cannot imagine how stressful it can be for a single parent to fulfill these challenging tasks single-handedly and with that, my hats off to you!....the silent and the unsung heroes. I don’t meant to start being emo here but I can’t help it when such thoughts crosses my mind. With that being said, I think I am going to complain less from now on about the lack of time and just be thankful and be blessed instead that I am given an opportunity to do all these challenging tasks with the help from families and friends. You know, how they say, it’s only when you become a parent yourself, you would understand the sacrifices and the love any parents would give to their children. Don’t you think it’s true? I think it is, and the same goes to grandparents' love.  

Anyway, I am just writing all these jumbled up thoughts during my lunch time at work. I hope you are well and thanks for dropping my blog.

May the Force be with you on a gloomy day

What a gloomy, rainy Friday morning.  As I was driving to work, a couple of times my mind drifted away, imagining myself cuddling comfortably back in my bed, dozing slowly back to dreamland after reading and flipping through a few pages of my favourite bedtime story books - In grown up language literally means fiction books but not fairytale bedtime books if that's what you had in mind!! :)  Anyway, reality hits in when I was almost reaching office. I was prepared to face the long day ahead of me, or .... was I not? Too early to tell.

As I got into the office, I suspect many of my colleagues would have shared the same imagination as I did while I was driving. You could tell from their expressionless face on a gloomy day.

I was hoping the gloomy mood to improve by lunch.

And guess what? I just came back from lunch and to make you feel better reading my depressing blog today, I had a reasonable nice big bowl of Asam Laksa at Pak Hainan with a cold glass of Teh Si.  It was gooooood, considering also that it was a free lunch. *wink wink* LOL  -never mind to those who didn't understood the winking part-

Okay, I have to be honest. My article is heading nowhere today simply because of these reasons:-

1) It’s a gloomy day
2) I am in the mood to go to sleep
3) I am so in need of a…… HOLIDAY!
4) Fine. If holidaying is impossible for now, then a massage would be good…. it’s nice to be pampered you know.
5) Shhhhh… my boss is not around today……so gotta admit, my level of concentration is very, very low. It’s like.. how I wished I took leave today instead of sitting here whining about how gloomy both the weather and rose’s weather are. Geez… I could be lazing either at home now or having a nice massage somewhere! Ahhh..what a nice 2 minutes of that thought....
6) ...and finally, I’m missing dance classes. Yeah, at the back of my mind, I am constantly thinking about my dancing classes. In case some of you who are not aware, I have to stop my dance classes for awhile now due to my commitments at home after work. Time is so limited.

Arrgggh….with so many things on my mind, now you know why I can’t come up with a proper article today. If some of you are feeling the same way as I am now, then “Welcome to the Club*   Don't feel too bad, you are not alone! Hahaha..

Arite friends, you know what, it’s weekend.  Let's cheer up okay.  Here are my list of wishful wishes for all of us for the weekend; May we all be in a better mood tomorrow, May the day be brighter and livelier tomorrow, May all of us find peace in our weekend routine activities and last but not least, May the force be with you!

 

Narrow Minded

Firstly, my sincere apologies for being silent for quite some time as I have been quite busy lately. Plus I was on leave since Monday with quite limited internet access.

Anyway, today, I wish to talk about interacting with narrow-minded people. Have you dealt with people who simply can’t take small critics?

For instance, when you tell them something about them directly to them, (but in the nicest way) they quit talking to you after that because they got offended though any one with some common sense would know that you are actually doing them a favor by telling them straight forward than to bitch behind their back!. So here’s the outcome: they quit talking to you. Ok, fine, they got angry. They cried their heart out because they are under the category of extremely emotional people. In a simpler term: hyper-sensitive type of person. So now, each time they see you from afar, they quickly turn their face elsewhere so that by the time you are near them, it’s like a mutual understanding: I didn’t see you, I don’t have to say hello. Perhaps you have become like a danger zone to them.  Any nearer, it can be harmful.

Yes, I am smiling as I just typed that, hey not because I am mean! It’s just that I find it so ridiculous and in a way, funny too. Ok, maybe I am being just a bit mean now bitching about it here but I have already tried being as nice as I can by approaching that person!! OK in case you have my doubts on my story, here’s what has happened: -

NML (narrow minded lady) speaks quite rudely over the phone many times with anyone except with the bosses. Some others have complained about her phone etiquettes to me. And after experiencing it many of times myself, I’ve decided to call her back (just a minute after taking her rude call) and explained to her that her voice, her tone and her way of speaking over the phone is very rude and people who do not know her might mistaken her as a very rude, nasty person. By the way, she picks up incoming calls for the company and no, angry and nasty is not her nature ( I would like to believe that ) in case if you are thinking of that, because I’ve seen her in her jolly mood – totally different from the rude phone calls incidents. Meaning to say, she can choose to be nice over the phone if she wants to because she’s not a gloomy person. If she’s under stress, then I would like to suggest her to read my article on handling stress. I found out later that after the conversation with me, she slammed the phone down and started crying. I was like… huh????

I wish I do not have to be involved at all in this matter but, what can I do? My boss told me recently that I need to assists him with some human resource tasks and having said that, sadly it involves phone etiquettes as well. Hence, I have no choice. It’s either me or my boss to tell her. I honestly thought I did her a big favor by approaching her before my boss does. But of course, in this proven case, NML is not happy and in fact is keeping a grudge against me despite my soft approach. Perhaps, I should not approach her anymore on any other issues in the future. Perhaps, approaching my boss directly would be a better solution. As much as I would like to go up to her again and explain that I am not here to find trouble with her, my inner voice tells me not to. Let them be for it’s better to stay away from Narrow minded people.

Cervical Cancer

I would like to share on something really important and useful to all my lady friends. Recently, while in a clinic, a leaflet on the counter caught my eyes and so I went closer to read the contents. It says in bold “In Malaysia, cervical cancer is the 2nd most common cancer affecting women.” A picture showed a solemn little girl with her sad daddy looking over a birthday cake on the table with a card that says… I love you mummy. And at the bottom of the picture says, “Honey, we still miss you everyday… Happy Birthday”

That was it. The entire message was too much for me but still, the urge of wanting to know more about this leaflet was strong. So, I took the leaflet and decided to read through the contents. What I found out from the leaflet is alarming.

In 2002, cervical cancer accounted for 12% of all female cancer in Malaysia. See the chart below to get a better idea of how disturbing the figure is.

And the second point says, virtually, every woman is at risk of cervical cancer, regardless of age or lifestyle.

So to say, you can be living a very healthy lifestyle and yet, you can be still at risk. Scary isn’t it, I thought to myself. I continued reading and came to know that cervical cancer are commonly caused by a virus called “high risk” HPV (Human Papillomavirus) that can be passed from one person to another during sex , though not necessarily. It can even be transmitted through just genital skin to skin contact. And here’s the strange thing. At least half of sexually active people will have HPV at some point in their lives and some leads to cervical cancer. To the lucky ones, this is because the body’s immune system gets rid of the HPV infection naturally within 2 years. However, in some cases, the infection persists and thus, leads to the risk of progression to cervical cancer. And I thought to myself again, why take the risk? Because I can actually be protected against the cancer causing HPV by just taking the vaccination. Yes, I thought to myself. It’s about time I should start taking control of my health and be a more responsible person. I have a daughter now and the picture shown on the leaflet sort of in a way, gave me a ‘wake up call’. I decided to proceed with the vaccination.

If I could recall correctly, a friend of mine who went for this vaccination previously told me that the vaccination (per jab) could range between RM 300 – RM 400. But guess what? This clinic charges only RM 200 per jab. In total you would need 3 jabs. The second jab should be given one month after the 1st jab. And the 3rd jab, 6 months after the 2nd jab. If you wish to go to this clinic, please let me know and I’ll provide you with the details.

So back to the story, when I consulted my doctor, she told me that even in schools now, they are giving out HPV vaccination for girls as young as 9. Some parents are outraged by this because they felt that it is not necessary for a 9 year old girl to get such vaccination. But I think should they be briefed properly on the intentions, these parents may change their mind and look at it at a different perspective.

My doctor told me that by providing vaccination to school girls, even as young as 9, allows the immune system to be activated before she's likely to encounter HPV. For example, if an adult, assuming at the age of 31 obtains vaccination, the level of protection is perhaps only at about 80% comparing to a school girl who gets vaccinated at say, age 13, could increase their level protection up to 90%. In short, vaccinating at a younger age allows for the highest antibody levels because the higher the antibody levels, the greater the protection is.

Here’s the thing, ladies:

CERVICAL CANCER is preventable. It is the easiest female cancer to prevent, provided with regular screening tests and follow ups. It is also highly curable if found and treated early.

And as a woman myself, I realized that since I came to know of this now, I cannot be ignorant about it. It is only right that I should help to create awareness on this issue. Actually the truth is, each one of us have this important role to play in saving women from contracting cervical cancer. I plead you to read on more on this, do research and more importantly, to consider the vaccination.

Some other information that is crucial to all of us.

There are 2 type of tests that can help to prevent or detect cervical cancer.

1) Pap Smear, advisable to be done 3 days after your period is completely cleared.
2) The HPV test. Talk to your doctor about whether this test is right for you.

If you

1) Do not have regular Pap Tests
2) Do not follow up with your doctor if you had a pap test result appearing not normal
3) Smoke
4) Sexually active with more than 1 partner….

then, you are under the category of high risk.

What is worrying is there are no signs or symptoms for early cervical cancer. But, should you experience bleeding of discharge from the vagina, which you know is not normal, especially bleeding after sex, then go and check with your doctor immediately. And this information was again typed bold in the leaflet, so ladies, we must take note on this.

I think I have summarized what I read in the leaflet together with my other resources to a pretty short informative article here. If you want, you may pass this article on to your girl friends and family members. After all, sharing is caring. Value & take control of your life before it’s too late. This is in fact a reminder to myself as well.

Charts obtained from http://www.radiologymalaysia.org/breasthealth/about/FactsNStats.htm

Annoying Day

Have you ever been in a situation, whereby you just feel like strangling a person for being so ignorant in their work? And you know it’s all because they are just being lazy. Sometimes, because you are a nice person and they keep asking you for help just to get the job done for them. Don’t you just feel like telling them off and tell them this: "DO IT YOURSELF!" And then when you try to tell them the DIY statement in a diplomatic & and in a professional way, they’ll tell you… “Oh, I don’t know how to do this lah, you don’t mind, please help me?” Oh well, don’t you just feel like shooting them?!!!

Ok, assuming you’ve decided to help them on that task. And then guess what, before you could even help that person with the job, the person had actually made a big mistake right at the beginning and that person wasn’t even aware of their mistake until you highlighted to them! Can you believe it ?!!!

ARRRRRRRGHHHH!!

Oh well, point is, yes... it was a very frustrating day for me yesterday with all these sort of unnecessary problems and I'm beginning to think, perhaps, it's really about time for me to learn how to say NO to people like that, who do not take initiative to learn to do their own job. Sigh...

Am I spoiling my baby ?? - Add On

I received an interesting article yesterday about 12 reasons babies cry and immediately I thought of my article which I wrote about Am I Spoiling my Child? And since it’s quite related, I am posting it here on the 12 reasons babies cry....

1. Hunger
2. A dirty diaper
3. Needs sleep
4. Wants to be held
5. Tummy troubles (gas, colic, and more)
6. Needs to burp
7. Too cold or too hot
8. Something small
9. Teething
10. Wants less stimulation
11. Wants more stimulation
12. Not feeling well

To read further in details for each point, click here to go to the related page.

Beware of hoax emails

I received an emergency email today from a friend of mine. At first glance, the email sounded pretty urgent and desperate and I have to admit, my heart skipped a beat reading the contents. But as I read on, the back of mind told me to call my friend to verify the contents and true enough, that email turns out to be a hoax.

Luckily I called her but oh well, I wouldn't have transferred any cash to her account just like that anyway. Yup, that email was about asking me to send cash urgently as my "friend" was stranded in Madrid, Spain. Though I NEARLY believed as this friend of mine happens to travel a lot, my common sense said - "check first".

And after talking to my "real friend", she asked me to pretend as if I didn't know it was a hoax and reply to the email requesting for an account number. Can you believe it, that "bogus friend" actually replied and provided her full details.

Click on the snap shots for larger view.

Snap shot on the hoax email received:


and I replied: -


and she replied!! : -


So guys and gals, moral of the story, beware of such emails okay and remember to check with your friends first.

Am I spoiling my baby ??

I remembered how frantic it was at the sound of my baby’s cry, especially during the first few months after . Just imagine, being a new mom with no experience at all, situations like that makes us yearn for someone who’s experience to help us to cater to our baby’s needs.

In my case, I was considered quite lucky (minus the part on the confinement lady) because my parents in law live nearby and they were always there to help whenever the call for help strikes. Still, taking care of a child is a daily learning process, whether it’s a case of you’ve been there, done that or being an inexperience mum, just like me. The truth is as a child grows, so will your knowledge.

Recently, I over heard lady A told lady B that someone taught her not to pick her crying baby up because if she did, she’d be overly pampering and spoiling her baby. For a moment, my mind went blank and hear only cricket sound....

OK, honestly? (but then again it’s just my opinion) picking up a crying baby will definitely not spoil/pamper your baby! In fact, from my very own experience, by attending to my crying baby, I am actually “telling” my baby that she’s in safe hands and believe it or not, that will actually help to build up the security and confident feelings in my baby. Not to mention also, the feeling of being loved…. and how can I tell all this ? As of now, she’s 9 months and she hardly cries unless she needs attention. So you see, in a way, I have taught her indirectly that when she cries, mommy will come and soothe you and there’s no need to cry anymore. I also want her to know that she’s safe with mommy and daddy, and that she’s well taken care.
I really do not understand how that sort of affection from a mother to her baby can lead to spoiling the child! Come to think of it, if a baby cries, wouldn’t that probably means she needs something? Babies can’t talk, so obviously the only way to communicate with us is through crying!

Okay, so the next question is, how would I know if I am spoiling my baby then? I am thinking in a scenario whereby your baby is probably at the age of 7 months, and she’s beginning to recognize facial expression. And she wants to bite on to a dirty railing for instance. So yes, in this case, you can be stern with her and tell her “no” by shaking your head or a finger gesture indicating “cannot”. And… she cries. Spoiling in this case to me would mean you immediately pick her up and give in to her crying and allowing her to do what she wanted to do earlier, thus chanelling the wrong signal to your little baby. Your baby will soon understands that if she doesn’t get what she wants, all she has to do is cry and you’ll give in.
However, if you show her that you are upset and if she cries, you stick firm to your gesture and say, “mommy is not happy” and try to explain to her in simple words, like “dirty, cannot bite… this is dirty”, you’ll be amazed to find out that she actually understands! Work your way out by diverting her attention to her toys and she’ll soon forget about biting the dirty railing!
True, sometimes a baby’s crying can drive us up the wall, but hey, isn’t that all part and parcel of being a mother?

3 important men in my life

Father’s Day is just around the corner. To be precise, it’s going to be celebrated on 20 June 2010. Okay, honestly, I can’t think of what to do on that day though for sure I want to do something for the 3 important people in my life. If you can guess them correct, yep they are ….. *drums rolling*….... tada! my beloved father, my dearest husband and my wonderful father in law!

As I am writing this, I am recalling back to those days when I was little, my younger brothers and I will gather up our piggy bank’s savings (most of the times, I contributed the most!) and we buy little gifts for our dad. Of course, as we grew older, the gifts grew bigger too. But since we have all grown up now, the tradition of this gifts have somehow dissolved by itself and nowadays, it’s only celebration over dinner. As simple as it may sound, but to me, it’s the family gathering that matters and most importantly, this little gathering comes with love and utmost appreciation for my father who have worked very hard all these years to provide for the family. Words cannot describe how much I love my dad whom I fondly call Papi.. (okay now, don’t jump the gun, I am not calling him a little puppy! Papi simply means father in Spanish) So you see, with this coming father’s day, I am pretty sure it’s going to be another dinner celebration but as simple and common as it sounds, it’s a special celebration to us because it comes with love and gratitude and appreciating every moment we spent together as a family.

Next on the list, my wonderful father in law. For now, never have I heard of anyone speaking fondly of their in laws and I always thought to myself, geeee… I must be the luckiest girl on earth to have such wonderful and understanding in laws and yep, sometimes I brag a lot too about it! Okay, you may think that I am buttering up my father in law now. Honestly it does not bother me at all. I think my father in law whom I fondly call dad deserved to be told and showed exactly how important he is, including my mom in law, (mum) and for all they have done for me, I want to say a BIG thank you. Really, words cannot describe how blessed I am. So you see, for that also, even though it may be going to be perhaps, just over a lunch celebration, still it’s a very special celebration to me because this celebration comes with love and yes, gratitude too. I am so blessed too because they have been taking such good care of little Rosemary and I know little Rosemary loves them dearly.

Finally, my beloved hubby. A direct message this time....This is going to be your first Father’s Day celebration and before I say anything else, I just want to wish you a Happy Father’s Day! You have been a great husband and a wonderful daddy. Of course, we have our ups and downs, but we always managed to pull it through. We understand each other so well and no matter what, at the end of the day, it’s all about love and trust. You have been a great daddy to little Rosemary and I know too that little Rosemary is very proud of you. Thank you too for being such a great, loving, understanding husband and a wonderful daddy.

So on this Father’s Day, I am taking this opportunity to write here to my papi, dad and my hubby.. wishing you all, Happy Father’s Day!

Here's dedicating to all the wonderful fathers in the world... :)

Where is the love-Updated version

On my way to work, I will normally drop by On the Run, Esso Petrol station to grab my favourite cup of Cappuccino. And a few months back, like usual, I dropped by On the Run. A very unusual sighting, I saw a few policemen walking about at the entrance. I thought to myself, oh well.. perhaps a robbery just happened. I walked to the cash counter to the familiar attendant and asked her what happened. To my horror, she replied sadly; somebody dumped a baby. My heart broke into pieces. I walked solemnly back to my car and my whole day was filled with sadness. All I could think is how could a mother dump her own newborn. I cannot imagine how is that even possible. All I could think is for a mother to dump her newborn, she must be in a really out of mind state.



But it got me thinking, perhaps society too should be blamed for such an act? Because we have been so judgmental and we are so good at discriminating each other while condemning these girls who got pregnant out of wedlock, or maybe even worse of the case, have we ever stop to think, perhaps they could be even rape victims? And because out of desperation and fear, thanks to us.. these girls have no choice but to abandon their newborn, leaving these sinless babies to die. We should ask ourselves then, who are we to judge them? Why should there be a punitive approach to these girls who got pregnant out of wedlock? Do you think by punishing these girls, we can actually stop the rest of the youths from having sex?? And why are we always discriminating the girls? What about the biological father? Why not hold him responsible too?

So you see, with all these questions on my mind, I really think that the answer to these questions is it is time for us to change and start educating each other. I personally feel that we should also educate our children on sex education. Yes, I know some of you may disagree but I do hope many of you are with me. Come to think of it, if we educate our children just on one main issue; the risk of having sex , just like we normally tell our kids on the risk of taking drugs, the risk of stealing..and the lists goes on, don’t you think this will actually give them a better understanding about sex and in return, they will become aware of the consequences. In short, they will think twice before getting into it. I strongly believe that most youngsters do not have a clear understanding of what sex is and that is why they eventually fall into temptation to try it, just to experiment it. As the saying goes, curiosity kills the cat.

Prevention is better than cure and educating our children on the risk of having sex, even unprotected sex, is essential. Sadly, I learned that sex education in our schools is still a pretty controversial issue. Why should this be controversial? Some say, by educating them, we are encouraging them. Exploring sex is a part of every youths growing up process. And that is the truth. Nowadays, it is so easy to obtain sexual materials and engaging in sexual activities for instance sex online through the internet. Even if you restrict these websites at your home, you wouldn't know if your child has access to these at her friend's house or even in cyber cafes.

That is why, if you ask me, I feel that it is very important also to educate boys to respect girls and not to take this "activity" for granted. I don’t think that by educating them in subjects like biology is sufficient to highlight the main reasons behind sex education. Our world is changing. Believe it or not, our kids are getting smarter and I believe they are matured enough to capture our intentions if we educate them properly on sex education. We should stop under-estimating our children level of intelligence and the truth is, we too need to grow up.

Just a note, I fully support OrphanCARE’s baby hatch. Read further in the below link.

http://thestar.com.my/lifestyle/story.asp?file=/2010/6/6/lifefocus/6406632&sec=lifefocus

Just a thought on Demanding Love

What exactly is love? Some say, love is beautiful, while others may say love hurts. The late John Lennon once quoted the meaning of love - We've got this gift of love, but love is like a precious plant. You can't just accept it and leave it in the cupboard or just think it's going to get on by itself. You've got to keep watering it. You've got to really look after it and nurture it -

The truth is we all have experienced love, be it a beautiful one or a hurtful one. As for me, I am considered one of the lucky ones as I have a wonderful husband who loves me and cares for me very much. I thank God for this wonderful man in my life. As I am saying this, some of you may react, “ lucky you, how I wish I have someone like that too”. I would like to also believe that many of you now are thanking God silently in your heart, for the wonderful and caring boyfriend/husband you have. My wish for you is to keep up with this lovely relationship and may you find everlasting love in your relationship.

My topic today is about demanding love. What is your idea of a demanding love? My idea of a demanding love is people who are persistent in getting things their way and normally, these people are intelligent enough to manipulate your mind to get what they want. They do not take NO for an answer because of their demanding behavior, in short they must get what they want. Perhaps, they believe that this is their rights. Sometimes, it is even to the extent of blaming you as the cause of the entire situation, for not giving in to what they want.

A friend of mine once confided in me about her relationship. I am beginning to believe that her boyfriend falls under this category - a person who demands love unreasonably. Notice that I add on a word – unreasonably? You see, to me, I think it’s okay to be demanding in love as long as it is not overly demanded & does not cause hurt and a sense of unworthiness to the other party. For instance, I think it is your right to demand from your partner to be faithful to you. Surely, that's a reasonable demand, right? But in her case, it seems like her partner demands everything and anything of her to be perfect. Like a checklist, he expects her to be: -

No 1) Intelligent
No 2) To have a great body
No 3) To have a great personality
No 4) Smart in managing finances
No 5) Speak softly and gently like a siu-jie (in Cantonese, it means lady-like) - What happens to the phrase of "accepting the person for who they are"
No 6) Have good looking toes and many more…

There is an old saying, “If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it’s yours. If it doesn’t, it never was.” Don’t get me wrong. I am not advising my friend to break off and to set him free. My point is; if her boyfriend feels that she’s not good enough for him, then why not set her free. Go and find someone else that you think fits into your criteria check list. If you found one, good for you. But the truth is, most of us can never get enough. One thing leads to another, one demand leads to another demand and the demand list goes on. So, why not stop and think for a minute. Instead of pressuring that person to change to suit your demands, how about you making the first change first? How about stop demanding so much? People say when you don’t impose expectations, you won’t get disappointment. To me, love is about giving people freedom to be themselves, without any restrictions imposed upon them to meet our demands in our way.

So in this scenario, if you feel that she does not match your criteria list but you love her enough to demand these things from her, why not work with her then to accomplish your criteria? If you think she’s not intelligent enough to suit your highly intelligence qualities, why don’t you start encouraging her to read the intelligent stuffs that you read so that you can start conversing with her on topics like that. Hopefully in the future, she will stop conversing her intelligence stuffs with you. Will that make you happy? If you feel that she does not have a great body.. how about looking at yourself in the mirror first? So you think you have a good body, good for you. Why not then encourage her to work out with you or….are you to contented with yourself that you expect her to find her own ways to improve her body line ? Now…if I were to go on giving you suggestions, my oh my, it will take too much of my time!

The bottom line is, being demanding unreasonably like that, which I would like to emphasize on this: it brings out nothing but sorrow and a sense of unworthiness to your partner. If you love her truly, then please try to look at yourself first. Would you like her to do the same to you? To demand unreasonable things from you and make you feel like you are in a “walking on eggshells” relationship? Think about it and ask yourself. And to my friend, you know who you are. Remember this, you are beautiful and worth it. Stay true to yourself because you must be loved for who you are and do not change to unreasonable demands. Cheers.

A 2 Headed-Snake Person

Have you ever dealt with someone whom you suspect is a 2-headed-snake? Yes? .. No?.. I am pretty sure most of you already know the meaning of this term, but just in case lah, if anyone have doubts.. I'll try to explain in the simplest way.

A 2-headed-snake person basically means a person whom, in the eyes of the public, appears to be friendly and nice but behind any individuals, she/he back stabs you like nobody's business and event attempt to provide wrong information about you with an intention to jeopardize your reputation or to put you in a "hot soup". So in short, one head appears to be a nice head while the other head.. the bad & evil one. Comprehend?

I am pretty sure by now you'll be nodding your head in agreement that you too have dealt with a monstrous person like that. So, my point of writing this article is to give you one very classic example of a 2-headed-snake person's (let's call them the 2HS) behavior and hopefully we all get to learn from this very valuable lesson in life!

You see, at the time when I was still pregnant, I have attempted to tender (due to some reasons) but my ex-boss did not accept the resignation and told me to re-consider, to which I decided to retract my resignation. And so when I went up to this 2HS to inform her of my decision, (I had to in case if you are wondering why because she comes from a relevant dept), that was when she gave me this so-called valuable tip. This 2HS person told me that should I have intention to resign, I should tender just right before I deliver so that I get to enjoy my 2 months paid maternity leave + the company will still have to pay up my tabulated Annual Leave balance (because obviously by then, I won't be able to clear up my ALs) But since I have decided to stay on, I brushed off this so called golden tip and never thought of it after that.

Until..one fine day, my ex-boss started questioning me if I had the intention to resign after my delivery to which I immediately exclaimed No! I was good at my job and I got along fine with my ex colleagues and the reason that prompt me to resign earlier had already been resolved. So yeah, no reason to resign ! But he kept pressuring me to answer him truthfully. Had I been a nasty person, I would have asked him; "WTF is your problem man? How many times do you want me say No?" But you know me la and plus, for the sake of my baby in my womb, I decided to stay cool and remained patient.

Finally, he revealed that this 2HS is still keeping my resignation letter and apparently had he known that I gave her the letter in the first place, he would have accepted my resignation letter. Bull Shit!! That's the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard in my life. How can you, being the MD of the company and knowing how kan-chiung this 2HS is in reporting everything and anything under the sky to you, can claim that you are not aware that I had submitted my letter? So full of bull shit! Anyway, the reason of this article is not to bombard him because that would have lead to a different story. This is about 2HS so I shall continue this story about 2HS.

After he revealed this information to me about 2HS was still keeping my resignation letter, I went straight to her and demanded back for my letter. She was not surprised at all with my request and in fact, she took the letter out from her drawer. Let me ask you this, had you have no intention to frame me, would you not have filed this letter in my personal file? Why left it in your drawer after so long?

I thought and analyzed hard why would she want to do this to me? If it's not her, then who would have spoken to my ex-boss about the letter? Why did he kept pressuring me day after day for the same old question with my same old answer. Detective Rose finally solved the mystery..

2HS was worried that should I tender right before my delivery, I might expose to my boss that she was the one who gave me this tip. (2HS had really underestimated my loyalty & my morality) So to cover her ass, she approached my ex-boss and pre-informed him that if I tender my resignation right before I deliver, the company will then use my resignation letter and calculate it as backdated (at the time that I tendered) and hence, I will have lesser ALs and who knows, I may not even be entitled to my 2 months paid maternity leave should my last day falls before my delivery! And I bet you 2HS feels great, probably pre-imagining that my ex-boss will give her a pat on her shoulders.. for a Good Job Done!

Oh well, enough is enough. This is really absurd. The entire situation has caused me so much of stress and pain. It was close to delivery and I have to admit, I had pretty low tolerance of stress at that point and was very vulnerable. And so, I tendered and the timing was such, it was just a week before I delivered. Do I have a choice? No. Because 2HS had poisoned my ex-boss mind too much that situation became unpleasant. But hey, it's all good. I've got a great boss now and I thank God for my present job. All's well that ends well.